Faking It or Feeling It? The Confidence Loop
Updated: Sep 17, 2020
You know what I see EVERY. SINGLE. DAY?
I see amazing, intelligent, inspirational women. I see women who are smashing it at work. I see women with creative brains, wonderful ideas and ambitious visions.
I also see women who are wracked with self-doubt. I see women convinced they’re going to get ‘found out’. I see women who are stuck and scared to admit how they are feeling. I see women who can project confidence, but inside are full of worry and fear of failure.
And you know what? They are THE SAME WOMEN!
Confidence is an unusual state of being as many of us can fake it when we don’t feel it.
We become trapped in the confidence loop. We project it, people expect it, but what’s going on inside can be the exact opposite of what others see.
We’re told we’re fine, we’re told we’re doing great, we’re reminded how far we’ve come - but inside we feel a million miles from where we want to be or what we’re projecting.
And the fact that no one sees us, really see us, makes it ten times worse.
Because we feel we should be fine. We should have control of our emotions. We should have found a way of putting ourselves out there that is fitting of our age and experience. But we haven’t found a way – far from it. So, we beat ourselves up, we keep it hidden, we muddle though and nothing changes. In fact, the feelings just worsen.
Eventually, we risk approaching the point of ‘no return’. We daren’t admit what’s going on for fear of revealing the façade that shields our vulnerability. Won’t people think we’re weak? Will they lose faith in us or our abilities? Will they finally see us for what we really are?
The truth is, letting people in is exactly the remedy we need – even if we don’t know it yet.
I speak from experience.
I wasted many years hiding behind that façade and trying to project the air of confidence and competence that I truly believed was expected of me in order to progress. I fought my own confidence battle in almost total silence. It was demoralising and it was exceptionally lonely. It took a lot of learning, training, exploration and self-analysing to get to a point where I truly felt okay.
Thankfully, I was able to turn that process into a positive by helping other women do the same, but there would have been far less heart-ache if I’d just asked for help in the right places and shared how I felt. (Not least as I'd have realised that many other women felt just the same. I wasn't alone.)
The power or coaching lies in doing just that.
A great coach will see you. They’ll enable you to open-up, be honest with yourself and take gentle steps to change the thoughts and behaviours that are holding you back. They’ll ask the right questions and find the deep answers that may well have lay hidden for decades.
They’ll empower you with the skills to move forwards, in the direction you truly want to go.
But most of all, you’ll save time.
Your time is precious. And the only certainty in life is that none of us have enough of it. You deserve to use your time wisely - not wasting it with worry - but creating a fulfilling, meaningful life you truly enjoy.
P.S. If you’re a career-motivated woman who wants to calmly and powerfully put yourself out there without cringing or worrying what others will think, then I’d love to welcome you in my Facebook community, The Confidence Build for Women.
It’s a friendly, supportive community full of women just like you. It’s jam-packed with no-fluff support, inspiration, expert training and will help you find the motivation to show up and be the you that you deserve to be. I’ll see you there!