Bringing Your Confidence Mojo Back
Updated: Sep 17, 2020
When was the last time you felt truly confident? We’re talking that inner confidence where you dare strut your stuff, knowing that you know, that you’ve got it covered, that you’re not just enough but you’re more than enough and you’re making an impact.
That’s exactly the question that I asked in my Facebook community recently, and you know what? Some of the amazing, strong and talented women who replied hadn’t had that feeling for years.
The problem with that is the longer we go without it, the more distant that feeling becomes and the more unattainable it can seem. Ever joined a gym, got super-fit and then let it lapse? (Not guilty guv’nor!) The days turn into weeks which roll into months and as you sit on the sofa munching Doritos, the very thought of stepping into the gym, let alone on a treadmill, seems like a gargantuan effort. The same is true of confidence.
The reassuring thing, however, was that everyone who answered my question on the group had indeed known what it feels like to feel truly confident. From a coach’s perspective, that means one thing. Confidence is there, it’s possible, it just needs to be rediscovered. (Indeed, coaches are the mental equivalent of a personal trainer to a couch potato!)
A big part of rediscovering our mojo is just recognising that confidence ebbs and flows. Nobody feels confident all of the time, in the same way that it’s impossible to be ecstatically happy day in, day out. Even a marathon runner has days where they’d just rather stay on bed; where every mile feels like ten.
So, how can you rediscover your confidence mojo?
1) Make a withdrawal from your confidence bank
You felt confident before, you can feel confident again! So have a think. What fuelled your confidence when you felt great? What can you carry forwards and try again? What opportunities can you create for yourself to bring about that feeling?
2) Make regular deposits at the confidence bank
Note down your strengths and achievements – let them flow! Believe me, there will be many more than you think as you go back through the years. Think of the times you’ve overcome adversity and the qualities that saw you through. Write the whole lot down for reference, add to the list whenever you can and look at it when you’re in need of a boost. Remembering what you’re capable of fans those fires of confidence.
3) Keep sight of what you want
If you’re reading this, you’re looking to build confidence and if you’re looking to build confidence, chances are you want more – more for yourself or more from your life. It can be hard to define what this is (if it was easy my job wouldn’t exist) but recognising that the future-you needs something different can help you to take baby steps in the right direction. For example, ”I may be scared by speaking out today at work, but the future me would like to progress and would really appreciate it.”
4) Recognise that failure is just success that stopped too soon
Anyone that knows me knows that I don’t believe in failure. There are challenges in life and you respond to those challenges. Sometimes you get the result you want, other times you don’t. So, what do you do? You try again with something different until you find what works for you. By reframing problems as a series of challenges, opportunities and potential solutions you can help recover that confident mindset.
5) Practise being your own champion
It all comes back to that self-talk. Fostering a compassionate, kind and supportive self-dialogue pays dividends for confidence. But being tough on yourself can be a hard habit to break. So, what can you do? You can give that critic a negative name and voice and tell it to ‘eff off when it starts speaking. You can talk to yourself with kindness in the same way you’d speak to someone you care about. You can catch and replace those negative words with positive expressions and repeat them regularly. You can start and end each day with a positive thought about yourself and your abilities. Whatever you do, by surfacing that inner critic you diminish its influence and give your confidence the space to return.
Confidence is within you. Sometimes it needs gentle coaxing, other times it stays hidden until you go digging to find it. But remember, it’s there, waiting to emerge and to propel you forwards in the direction you want to go.
P.S. Remember, if you need a helping hand to find your confidence mojo, just drop me a line for a complimentary clarity call.